i woke up startled and disappointed this morning, and not just because i woke up with a major sore throat. i woke up from a dream that could only have been motivated by my support group flub last night. there were a lot of elements-- many of them very family-oriented-- but the part i recall was the part that woke me. i was leaving a restaurant where the server kept bringing me really gross eggs. yolky eggs. gross. but i must have been in the company of someone i didn't know well because i was trying to force myself to eat them. so i had just left the restaurant and was in my bedroom (kind of) and talking to someone who was riding her bicycle through the house when i looked at the clock and realized that i was late for book club. it was 5:57 and in my dream, book club started at 5:30. so i began to tear through my closet to find a shirt to wear. all of the shirts were too small and they all had Peanuts characters on them, but this was apparently normal in my dream. so i put on a tshirt that had Lucy on the front with some kind of witty quote about being smart and dashed out the door for book club. i got on the riding lawn mower, which did NOT move fast enough for a person who is already late for book club. i started to ride my lawn mower towards Kathy's house when i realized that book club is at Beth's house. then i discovered that it is winter, and i wouldn't be going anywhere on my lawn mower. then just as my dream brain started to wonder what any of this has to do with my birthmother, i woke up. startled, upset (about being late) and a bit overwhelmed by the sense that my mother was somewhere in that dream.
then i swallowed and discovered the raging fire in my throat and the dream-state was gone. so now i am here on my couch, taking medicine and blogging. and wondering....
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