her name is susan.

i have to change the name of this blog, i think. she has a name now and it is susan. susan. my birthmother's name is susan. i should back up... so i am sitting with a student (the one and only student who knows i am in the middle of a reunion search) and my phone rings. "unknown" is the caller. unknown=Julie the Social Worker, this i have come to know. so, i turn to my precious student and i say, "i am so sorry, i know that i never take phone calls at work, but this one is going to be important. do you mind if i step out for a minute?" of course she didn't mind, why would she mind? so i answer my phone and Julie the Social Worker informs me that she has in her possession a letter from the woman who gave birth to me. giggling a little as she says it, she offers to mail it to me and before she can offer the alternative, i rudely interrupt and say, "no, that's ok, i'll come and pick it up." a lot back-and-forth chatter occurs, the details of which are still lingering somewhere above my spaced-out brain in the funky funky atmosphere and some kind of Julie-will-call-my-mother-to-discuss-what-we-all-do-next conclusion occurs. i do recall that it was in this first conversation that Julie informed me that my birthmother and i live in the same town. to which i replied, "i KNEW it!" significantly louder than one should in a middle school. especially if one is supposed to be an adult. so my brain is morphing into yogurt and i can no longer feel my feet. or my legs or arms, for that matter. but i have to go back to work. focus. julie calls back a few minutes later and says, "i talked to Susan...." and i, being the rude rude interrupter i am on this day, cut her off. "Her name is Susan?" julie very apologetically says something about, oh didn't i tell you that yet.... blah blah blah but i don't know what she said because my mind was stuck on susan. susan. susan. susan. as it turns out, Susan seems to think that 35 years is a long enough wait just as i do, and is not messing around with a bunch of letters and emails and junk. i am going to meet her on monday, april 4, at 4:30 in the afternoon. i am sure i'll be back here many times before then to freak out in cyberspace while i maintain perfect composure in "for real" life.