balance

on this day, all is right with the universe. i spent 5 more hours with Susan last night and every minute of it was superb. of course. she gave me a most amazing and beautiful gift and we talked and talked and told stories and smiled and laughed and i began to feel like i know her. i know what she likes to do, i know about her most significant friendships, i know things about her actual life and she knows about mine. this feels so good. i am still battling a bit of the "i don't want to disappoint" twitchies, but i guess that is all part of the process. i think she likes me. i know that she has loved me forever, but i also think that she likes me. on my way home from our 5-hour dinner-and-drinks marathon, i called my parents to tell them about the reunion. as expected, my mom received the news with all of the grace and joy that she brings to every situation. she is very happy for us and very interested in the details. long gone are the worries and intimidations and jealousies... she is happy for our joy and is very excited to share in it when she comes to visit in August. i still (and for a long time will) get shivery when i think of that first time i will get to sit between Maxine and Susan. so much love and so much joy and so many questions answered... for all of us. there was the one teensy weensy moment of disfavor in my conversation with Susan last night. she was talking about medical history in our family and she noted that there were a number of cancer-related deaths. then she said, "but most of them had contributing factors, like smoking." i began to hang my head just a bit and her lovely, and suddenly very maternal, voice sounded a most displeased, "Nnnnnoooooo." with downcast eyes and a juvenile sense of embarrassment by my transgression, i said, "i will quit by your birthday. i promise." so, now i guess i have to quit smoking. i promised the woman who MADE ME. if ever there was a motivation to quit....