exhaustion

i had no idea how this reunion thing was going to go. i quite intentionally didn't try to imagine how the days and weeks and months following our initial meeting would go because that is one of those things that one can simply not predict. our first two meetings have been amazing, joyous, cathartic, even. and the catharsis doesn't necessarily relent when i go home. or to work. or to bed. i have been so over-joyed for the last week and a half since i learned that Susan wanted to meet me that my body has been in a constant state of alert/energy/agitation (in a good way) and i have no idea when it will go back to normal. i have started to sleep again, but everything else is still all wonky. and i am exhausted. but even in exhaustion parts of me are still bouncing. still vibrating. what comes next? how do we do this? do we take an emotion-vacation from the whole thing? do we sort out all of the new information and re-connect at some point in the future? can i ever get through a day without feeling like i have to email her to remind her that i miss her and that i am thinking about her? when will the fear that she doesn't like me relent? that one is the weirdest. there is ABSOLUTELY no reason to think based on her words or actions that she doesn't or won't like me. and i have not been the kind of person to geek out on that kind of thing in the past... but this is all different and i am learning to roll with it.